there is no such thing as being overly nice
When I was in my early 20s I remember an incident that would affect me for a while. In a bad way but ultimately in a good way. I was dating this guy who introduced me to a group of his friends. We went for coffee and I told them a little bit about myself and my life as a singer. We spent a quite pleasant afternoon.... at least that's what I thought. Weeks later in an argument with that same boyfriend he mentioned to me that that particular group of friends thought I was acting "fake by being overly nice, that the way of expressing myself was just too much, that my life sounded so scripted as if I lived this Hollywood life and that overall I was just this fancy wannabe starlet." i had to admit that that was quite a lot for them to observe in approximately 2 hours of our coffee chat. I was young, so to hear all these things naturally hurt me to the core. I asked my bf: is this how you see me as well?? His answer was: I know you and I know who you are but for somebody who doesn't know you, it's definitely what you project!
his words would hurt me even more, so after that incident i became more insecure about myself and how i presented myself in public. i became more and more reserved and started to question myself as a human being. i never once wanted people to see me as this shallow and superficial girl who had absolutely nothing in her brain and being "overly nice" seemed to be something bad in this day and age too.
later on, when i had to travel more for my signing career, meeting more people and eventually meeting my fans, i was able to open up again so i could have conversations with them. i understood that as a public figure people want to know more about their role model/idol and i accepted my responsibility as somebody they could talk to. being “overly nice” eventually took over again because i had finally realized that THAT was part of what made me ME today. i am chatty because i like to hear what people tell me about themselves. i am nice because i like being treated the same way and because being not nice is not who i am. there is no such thing as being “overly nice” but there is such thing as being “overly rude”. i never said that my life was glamorous and i don’t think i make the impression of being a wannabe starlet. it is what this group of friends wanted to see because they knew i was a singer and that i travelled to L.A. a lot but it is not what i project. i just know that for a fact. Besides, while i was being nice to them that was completely genuine i had absolutely nothing negative to say about them afterwards. However i was being told that my niceness was fake and yet they acted friendly in front of me just to end up badmouthing me afterwards which makes me wonder: who is the fake one now??
bottom line is, i know i am a nice person because good things come back to you when you are nice. i also know that i am a good friend because i always give 100%. i don’t expect 100% in actions but surely 100% in appreciaton back, because otherwise i would only feel used.
so just to go back what i had said in the beginning about how that incident had affected me in a bad but ultimately in a good way: it was bad because i tried to change for others, just because i didn’t want people to look at me differently. when you get older you realize that you only live for yourself and not for others so how people think of you shouldn’t matter at all…so it was good that i learned all that and became myself again. i DO talk a lot and i am "overly nice" because if being nice is "odd" and "not normal" then what has this world come to? what does it tell us? that being rude and careless is the new normal?? if so i stick to being odd or according to these people from my story: overly nice, it's almost fake! :-)